Lineamientos para hablar sobre la gente

Pequeño homenaje a Marvin Harris, antropólogo carnívoro y vulgar.

No se puede querer ser de izquierda si uno está bien de salud y mucho menos si se está repuestico. Son condiciones mutuamente excluyentes que conducen a un triste estado de ilegitimidad, análogo a tener una copia del Libro rojo en una casa de Bosque Izquierdo o de El Castillo, aunque técnicamente es «montañas de Colombia», Barbarie dixit. Al respecto anota Rafael Nieto Loaiza:

…Iván Márquez, a quien por cierto se le veía gordito y rozagante y sin trazas de estar sufriendo los rigores del conflicto, acaso porque vive en territorio vedado para la Fuerza Pública colombiana… [resaltado mío].

Hay otra tendencia que acusa a las «dietas de los pobres», excesivamente ricas en carbohidratos y grasas —generalmente más baratas que las siempre idolatradas proteínas—, de ser las culpables de la plaga de obsesidad entre la gente de escasos recursos, esos que son los únicos que pueden hacer la revolución con la bendición de dios. Y es que lo de la bandeja trifásica no es un fenómeno local. Eso es solo un accidente de nuestra diversidad y falta de prejuicios europeizantes contra la yuca, el plátano y el arroz: en Argentina le echan la culpa a la pasta y en Estados Unidos al maíz.

Ahora sabemos que lo que hay detrás de Super size me y King corn no es un llamamiento al cuidado de nuestros miocardios sino denunciar que la especulación con el precio de la proteína es otra estrategia para, por medio de las vías leguleyas vulgares, cerrarle el camino a la multitud. ¡Cuidado, compañeros! ¡El arma retórica es poderosa!

Aparte se confirma, como tanto oenegero loco ha querido decirnos en su lenguaje enrevesado, que cuando la patria fumiga algo más que coca y le pegan a un margen despreciable de sembrados de pancoger —y eso es carbohidratos, con seguridad, porque los marranos y las gallinas se los tumbaron las mismas fuerzas hace rato y por eso estamos como estamos—, es para matar de hambre a los campesinos advenedizos, guerrilleros de ruana y alpargata, que no saben cuidar la figura y la salud, aunque, como se vio, son inversamente proporcionales a la legitimidad de sus reivinidaciones políticas.

De manera que si uno está libre de esos exitosos ataques errados, se le juega más a la muerte por infarto, diverticulosis o, si es el caso, complicaciones de diabetes. Pero para el auténtico che Guevara la única alternativa es la desnutrición. La anorexia no porque es muy cool.

Adenda:

En colaboración con el Instituto Doble Machete para la Creación de Índices e Indicadores Inútilmente Veraces y Contraintuitivos y la Fundación Tecnólatra Alejandro Gaviria para la Seriedad en la Blogosfera y el Abiertizamiento de la Sociedad —el IESJS no quiso participar porque todos sus funcionarios migraron definitivamente a España—, estamos trabajando en una tabla que relacione el índice NBI, el IDH y, desde luego, el IMC para llegar a una conclusión definitiva que rompa todos los paradigmas y deje callados a tantos opinadores mal informados. Mientras tanto deléitense con este descubrimiento contraintutivísimo —y después indígnense con el racismo y eso.

342 comentarios sobre “Lineamientos para hablar sobre la gente”

  1. o-lu dijo:

    Bonito homenaje al sr. Harris! [La otra interpretacion, para don Nieto, es que en el monte se come mejor].

  2. David Lynch dijo:

    Miguel, se le olvida que aguantar hambre es una de las formas de resistencia por excelencia de la mayoría del pueblo colombiano. Asi que el que no quiera comer o este como flaquito es un fiel creyente en esa vaina llamada la combinación de todas las formas de lucha. O acaso no le a puesto cuidado a nuestro amigo Don Tomate lo delgadito que esta, pilas pilas, estan por todas partes; esa si es la verdadera hecatombe. En otras palabras el que no quiera comer no es por que no halla sino por que es mamerto enemigo de la seguridad democratica. He dicho…

  3. pepe dijo:

    Si todos los comunistas son flacos, como las reinas ellas no comen, se sacan el pan de la boca para darselo a los pobres , no importa que queden anorexicas…eso si es ser radical.

  4. jose dijo:

    Darwinismo político:
    La izquierda no está (no debería estar) bien alimentada. Por eso, no puede (no debería poder) tener los medios para reproducirse.
    Ergo, acabar con la izquierda es darle una manito a la evolución.

    Creacionismo político:
    La insurrección de los pobres es la única que no atenta contra la ley de Dios.
    Pero Dios hizo a los pobres brutos y hambrientos (los hizo pobres). Por eso, son incapaces de rebelarse.
    Ergo, la rebelión va en contra de la voluntad de Dios y debe ser eliminada por la espadita divina montada en unos buenos caballitos.

    Moraleja: Todos los caminos conducen a donde uno quiera ir.

  5. pepe dijo:

    Jose:
    que escrito tan malo el suyo, no hay conexion en absoluto en sus terminos y deducciones, me gutaria que re explicara la afirmacion de que: “acabar con la izquierda es darle una manito a la evolucion”.

  6. Lanark dijo:

    Muy buen post. Una lectura DotorJoseOduliana de Harris explicaría, por ejemplo, porqué la izquierda está ganando terreno en los países que basan su dieta en los “tres carbohidratos esenciales” (arroz, papa y plátano, o bien pasta, yuca y arroz). Gana terreno la izquierda, claro, aunque inmediatamente antes aclaren que “la izquierda y la derecha no existen”.

    En este orden de ideas, se destaca la noble labor de quienes reparten ALAS de pollo a la población antes de elecciones, dándoles con ellos los elementos de juicio nutricionales para votar por propuestas políticas más cristianas.

    Sin embargo, no olvidemos aquella doctrina Ruiciana según la cual la izquierda no es otra cosa que la continuación de la casta de los sacerdotes y encomenderos, con lo que el sitio perfecto para hallarla sería precisamente en el Bosque Izquierdo y sitios de ese estilo. Según esto, el compañero John Lenin y demás encapuchados desnutridos no actúan guiados por una ideología, sino que corren en pos del espejismo de subir de estrato en su lucha con la violencia legítima del Estado.

    ¿y qué me dicen de la dieta del colombiano de bien, echa’o p’a'lante, que pone asadero elegante (o que trata de ser elegante) en las afueras? Probablemente el restaurante de Macaco en Medellín refleje en su menú la receta gastronómica que nos va a sacar del subdesarrollo, basada desde luego en la ganadería extensiva.

    Lástima que el aceite de palma africana no se pueda comer, hola.

  7. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Lanark

    El aceite de Palma si se puede comer, de hecho se come todo el tiempo. Sobre todo en frituras.

  8. jose dijo:

    jajajajajajajajajajaja

  9. Lanark dijo:

    Alejandro: Tiene razón, la palma africana es el origen de ese aceite con el que uno puede fritar sus comidas. Pero es un desperdicio usarlo para eso, cuando uno puede hacer biodiesel, que en vez de satisfacer las irrelevantes necesidades alimenticias satisface las necesidades espirtituales más elevadas de bienes suntuarios. Este último uso, además, tiene la ventaja de sacarles la piedra a todos esos mamertos piojosos ambientalistas que se inventan cuentos de calentamiento global para decir que el crecimiento económico es malo (¿qué tal eso?)

  10. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Lanark, le voy a poner con un ejemplo el argumento en contra de la palma africana. En el vichada hay miles de hectareas de pastizales que, en el caso de usarse se destinan a la ganaderia extensiva. Entonces algunos señalan que esta actividad es poco productiva e incentiva el latifundio, entonces se siembra palma (que es una de las pocas cosas que se puede producir por alla), se generan muchos mas empleos que con la ganaderia, se construye una planta procesadora, que genera aun mas empleos directos e indirectos, se siembran mas hectareas pastizales con palma y resulta viable construir una planta de biodisel, la demanda del producto aumenta el precio y se generan mas empleos directos e indirectos. Claro, hay unas personas que se perjudican, como los consumidores de aceite como yo, o usted, o los vaqueros, pero en terminos netos los beneficios para todo el vichada son mayores despues de la palma que antes.

    Y entonces ahora la palma es una mierda, es un cultivo narcoparamilatar oligarquico que eleva el precio de los alimentos y daña la biodiversidad. Volvamos entonces a la ganaderia extensiva, o que el vichada se vuelva un parque nacional gratuito ( y la gente que vive ahí, de malas papa). Turismo, no. Porque el turismo destruye las costumbres locales, pero tampoco tures con ricos del primer mundo, porque son ricos y son del primer mundo, entonces mejor sigamos como estamos.

  11. juglar del zipa dijo:

    lanark:
    ¡sí, lanark! ¡proponga! ¡deje de criticar!

  12. Julián Ortega Martínez dijo:

    ¿Y los “dueños” del Vichada qué?

    http://www.equinoxio.org/destacado/parandua-1228/

  13. Lanark dijo:

    No, no, no, Julián, usted no entiende. Primero, no se va a tocar ni un metro cuadrado de bosque nativo, sino las miiiiiiiles y miles de hectáreas de pastizales que hay en el vichada. ¡Tomen eso, terratenientes ganaderos! Sus tierritas se las va a comprar el gobierno para dárselas a campesionos buenos, que labrarán con esa garra colombiana la tierrita de su minifundio de Palma. Los terratenientes ganaderos probablemente usen la justa cantidad que les dió el gobierno para construir hospitales y cosas así, que por fin van a volverse viables cuando por fin le hayamos cortado el paso a los guerrilleros de civil.

    En los pueblos van a florecer las plantas de biodiesel, que las puede construir cualquier colombiano sin necesidad de haber asistido a ningún centro de adoctrinamiento marxista. No, repito, no, va a cedérsele ese negocito a ninguna empresa extranjera que mate sindicalistas, porque eso ya no se hace. La prueba de que eso es tan sencillo, está en que todo eso lo puede desarrollar una empresa de comunicaciones, y que la ministra de comunicaciones haya sido durante un lustro la representante del gremio de los palmeros en un montón de lides legales. De modo que para cultivar palma y volverla biodiesel sólo hay que saber comunicarse, y los colombianos somos muy comunicativos.

    Qué barbaridad, qué falta de fe en lo nuestro.

    Mas bien proponga, en vez de criticar tanto. ¿Si o no, Juglar?

  14. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Lanark, y será que esto es también una estrategía del imperio para hacernos cada vez mas pobres? O será esto una treta mas de los imperialistas para jodernos? Y por cierto, usted si ha visto el Vichada? De cuales “bosques nativos” habla? El Vichada es, en su mayoría, llanuras sin arboles. Hay unos pocos bosques de galería alrededor de los ríos, pero estos proyectos no necesitan arrasar con eso, hay suficiente llanura limpia como para ponerse a tener que talar monte.

    Pero no, dejemos eso asi, no reforestemos porque eso es un negocio de los ricos malparidos y todos los colonos que trabajen en cultivos de tardío rendimiento van a ser paramilitares vestidos de civil, o una quinta columna de la rancia oligarquia en la mitad de la llanura, o mejor, un puesto de avanzada para frenar la gloriosa revolución bolivariana que vendrá del otro lado del orinoco.

    Y claro, es probable que existan proyectos de palma africana armados por politicos corruptos o por narcos; pero que tiene que ver la Palma con esto? Es la Palma mala solo porque algunos corruptos y narcos la siembran? O mas bien el problema es el narcotrafico y la corrupción que permite que existan personajes como estos?

  15. juglar del zipa dijo:

    pelao:
    ¿usted está queriendo decir que la palma africana es un alucinógeno?

  16. Lanark dijo:

    Apeláez: No se si usted se refiere al imperio de los sentidos, o a cuál imperio, porque yo no he mencionado ninguno, ni siquera de refilón. Chéveres los programas de colaboración de los gringos. No entiendo su idea de que hay un imperio tratando de jodernos y de hacernos más pobres. O al menos, no la comparto. Lo siento si le incomoda que yo no recite la clásica retahila de capucho, compañero-compañero.

    No soy un experto forestal, de hecho soy un ignorante forestal, pero aún así alcanzo a estar bastante seguro de tres cosas:

    Cuando uno dice “reforestar” no se refieren a plantar un monocultivo de coca, amapola o palma en miles y miles de kilómetros cuadrados.

    La palma no es mala. Tal vez hasta tenga buenos sentimientos. Es una planta que hace parte de la armonía de todas las cosas, del sueño de Brahma, del vello corporal de la diosa Gaia, una criatura de Nuestro Señor. Igual que los simios rosados sin pelo que han proliferado en toda la superficie de la tierra. E igual que ellos, su proliferación indiscriminada puede traer algunos problemas, claro, si uno no tiene el dogma de que la proliferación de lo que sea siempre es buena, sobre todo si es de plata.

    Que hoy en día ya hayan tumbado todo el monte para criar vaquitas, hace que casi cualquier cambio (excepto quizás la desertización total) implique mayor biodiversidad y estabilidad ambiental. Y claro, si uno es pesimista y no le pone fe a los programas de colaboración del único país civilizado del planeta, sólo le queda cruzar los dedos porque esa tierra la recuperen los únicos monocultivos rentables: coca, amapola y palma.

    Mil perdones por no haber ido a parchar al Vichada. Soy un mal colombiano.

  17. Sergio Méndez dijo:

    Y despúes Apelaez se queja de mis chistes malos…

    Eso si, tengo la impresión de que si el latifundio se vuelve más productivo (pasar de la ganaderia extensiva al cultivo de Palma), eso le justifica al señor Alejandro Pelaez la tapada de los ojitos frente a la naturaleza misma y el origen del latifundio (que importa eso si da más platica y deja más utilidad neta….)

  18. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Yo no tengo problemas con el latifundio. De hecho, los minifundios son muchas veces mas perversos para la economía regional que latifundios bien administrados. O usted cree que con 10 hectareas puede hacer algo en el vichada? O que 10 hectareas justifican comprar, siquiera, un tractorcito?

    Pero claro, hay que acabar con el latifundio (sin siquiera ponerse a pensar las consecuencias practicas del tema). Hay que quitarle a los ricos oligarcas sus tierras porque es obsceno que alguien tenga mas de 100 hectareas. No importa que esto termine jodiendo a todos.

  19. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Le recomiendo a Sergio y Co que revise que ha pasado con la expropiación y reparticion de las haciendas de los llanos orientales por parte del vecino chavez.

  20. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    Lanark, creo que no el tema en Indonesia es “un poco” diferente. Primero, se ha tumbado selva virgen para sembrar la Palma, cosa que no pasa en el Vichada y muy poco en Colombia, y segundo, hermano, mire las proporciones, en Indonesia hay 6 y pico millones de hectareas sembradas en Palma, mientras que en Colombia no llegamos a las 150,000. Es claro que el desarrollo debe ser sostenible, pero, nuevamente, el cultivo de la Palma no es el problema. La mayoría de las hectareas sembradas estan sustituyendo terrenos dedicados antes a la ganaderia extensiva o a otros cultivos comerciales, salvo algunas excepciones en el choco biogeografico.

    Claro, la Palma no puede producirse en minifundios, no es rentable. Se necesitan grandes extensiones. Pero en COlombia no solo los latifundistas perversos estan metidos en el negocio. Muchas cooperativas de campesinos financiadas con recursos de cooperacion internacional han logrado alianzas con empresas privadas para cultivar y procesar la palma (la UE por ejemplo tiene varios laboratorios de paz en donde cooperativas trabajan cultivos de palma) En estos esquemas los campesinos estan logrando buenos ingresos trabajando en megacultivos con suficientes economias de escala para ser viables.

    Claro, estos proyectos tambien benefician a particulares asociados (alqunos comerciantes, o procesadores de aceite por ejemplo) y los campesinos dejan de tener esa imagen bucolica de señores con sombreros de paja arando en una huerta productos de mera subsistencia, que es como algunos romaticos quisieran seguir viendolos.

  21. juglar del zipa dijo:

    pelao:
    cfr. de bucólicos y otras cosas.
    no, si los campesinos usan uniformes camuflados y botas pantaneras y beben cerveza mientras oyen carrileras, no precisamente las de silvio rodríguez.

  22. Sergio Méndez dijo:

    Apelaez:

    Por eso le dije “la naturaleza y el ORIGEN mismo del latifundio”, es decir, el desplazamiento a sangre y fuego de millones de campesinos de muchos de los minifundios sobre los cuales se han constituido tantas haciendas en este país ( O como ud diría “arengas…”); poco importa si uno es más productivo que el otro en ese caso. Citarme por lo demas la reforma agraria de Chavez no cambia el hecho de que las tierras robadas deben ser devueltas y segundo, que un mal ejemplo de reforma agraria no significa que la idea en si misma no pueda y no deba llevarse a cabo acá.

  23. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    No todo latifundio es producto del robo y el saqueo. Asi que mas vale ir distinguiendo entre el robo y el latifundio, que no son lo mismo.

  24. Sergio Méndez dijo:

    Alejandro:

    En efecto. Pero una enorme cantidad de latifundios son productos directos del robo y el saqueo, en especial en este país (3 millones de desplazados del campo TAN SOLO en los ultimos 15 años) . Eso lo sabemos tanto por la praxis social y la historia de este pais, como a priori (es bastante dificil que alguien se pueda apropiar de enormes extensiones de tierra sin que medie el fraude y el robo de sus legitimos propietarios; tambien es bastante dificil que alguien pueda apropiase y mantener como suyas enormes cantidades de tierra y mezclar el principio del trabajo (a lo Locoke) con todas estas). Asi que si la distinción existe teoricamente, en la practica es mas bien limitada.

  25. Alejandro Pelaez dijo:

    No creo que la mayoría de los latifundios sean producto del robo (para empezar, un latifundio de que tamaño viene siendo?). Y por otro lado, tambien hay mucho minifundio producto del robo, el saqueo o la invasión ilegal de predios. Pero usted sanciona es el latifundio, no el robo. Yo sanciono el robo y el uso de la fuerza para desplazar, no el latifundio per se.

  26. juglar del zipa dijo:

    quienes señalan al latifundio son unos racistas. para mí la culpa es del anglofundio. y ojo con el sinofundio que se viene pierna arriba.

  27. dontomate dijo:

    A mi me preocupa más el tropifundio, aunque julito está luchando de manera incansable contra él. Esperemos que en algún momento el surgimiento de nuevos funkyfundios permitan redefinir las territorialidades y sobre todo las correlaciones de fuerza permitiendo cuatrifundios, arpafundios y maracafundios que fortalezcan las subjetividades de santa rosalia, cumaribo y sus gentes, rompiendo así con el diseño de la hegemonía global a través de pequeños pero contundentes proyectos locales contrahegemónicos basados en la configuración de paradigmas “otros” reterritorializados en otrofundios.

  28. Sergio Méndez dijo:

    “No creo que la mayoría de los latifundios sean producto del robo”

    Voy a mandar a imprimir esa frase en letras con arabescos, y la voy a enmarcar para colgarla en mi cuarto….

  29. Maria Paula dijo:

    Sergio, que mas?

  30. Lanark dijo:

    Ah, eso sí da gusto leer en un blog.

    Don Tomate sí sabe escribir como todo un doctor de la izquierda. Ni siquiera tiene que usar palabras fastidiosas como “lógicas” o “imaginarios”. ¿si ven cómo los “pequeños pero contundentes proyectos locales contrahegemónicos” suenan mejor que los “generosos apoyos del pueblo americano”?

    Por otro lado, yo propongo llenar el vichada de otrofundios administrados por feministas radicales de formación sicoanalítica lacaniana. Las mandamos allá con espejos, muchos espejos, y con certeza ellas sabrán llevar una dieta políticamente correcta.

  31. Lanark dijo:

    Hablando de imperios, a lord Sainsbury le dio por proponer en vez de criticar.

    Deberían aprender de los países civilizados, donde se propugna por las carretersas (en el enlace, otra relación entre dieta y progreso).

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